don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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