Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
