i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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