Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
