Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
