He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
