Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
