All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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