Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
