Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
