I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
