Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
