I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
