i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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