I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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