OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
