At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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