I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
thus making me awesome and them whores
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
