No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was born a porn star she said
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
