Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
