once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
