we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
