My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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