Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
