I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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