grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
