why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
