So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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