Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
