I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
