Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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