He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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