I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
