quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You don't make any sense
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