hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
