I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
