he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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