I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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