Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
