Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
