wanna go halves on a baby?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
