You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
