last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
