1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
