I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
