you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
