I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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