I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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