textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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