make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
