there's paper in my vomit.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
