Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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